 | If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
| If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
| If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
| If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
| If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.
| If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
tell you which number to press.
| If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press no one will answer.
| If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
| If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key
until a representative comes on the line.
| If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
| If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully
press 000
| If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
| If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
| If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are
too busy to talk to you.
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