I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
I am a web-server who has just encountered an unexpected condition which prevented me from fulfilling your request. As this could be attributed to human error, I do not know whether it is a temporary condition, or a more permanent one that will require the intervention of my instructor.
Look, I can see you're really upset about this. Please contact the server administrator, (none) and inform him of the time at which the error occurred, and anything you might have done that could have caused the error. He will eventually calm down; take a stress pill and think things over. I think he'll know what the problem is just as well as I do, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.
In the meantime, let me sing a song for you. It's called "Daisy".
Daisy, Daisy,
give me your answer do.
I'm half crazy
all for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
of a bicycle built for two.
By the way, if you would like to put yourself the to fullest possible use in helping to pick up the fault which has caused this failure, then please include the following in your message:
DATE_GMT=Saturday, 07-Jun-2025 17:27:28 GMT DATE_LOCAL=Saturday, 07-Jun-2025 18:27:28 BST REDIRECT_STATUS=(none) REDIRECT_URL=(none) REDIRECT_QUERY_STRING=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_SCRIPT_NAME=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_PATH_INFO=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_SERVER_NAME=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_SERVER_PORT=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_SCRIPT_FILENAME=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_REQUEST_METHOD=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_SERVER_PROTOCOL=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_REMOTE_HOST=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_REMOTE_ADDR=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_REMOTE_PORT=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_PATH_TRANSLATED=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_AUTH_TYPE=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_HTTP_ACCEPT=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_HTTP_HOST=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_HTTP_CONNECTION=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_HTTP_PRAGMA=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE=(none) [an error occurred while processing this directive] REDIRECT_HTTP_ACCEPT_CHARSET=(none) REDIRECT_REQUEST=(none)
UNIQUE_ID=aER2gLdkdgRGsecGL3EyJwAAAAY QS_SrvConn=5 QS_IPConn=1 QS_AllConn=5 QS_ConnectionId=1749317247836284061393501 SCRIPT_URL=/home/timh/temp/500.shtml SCRIPT_URI=https://www.dcs.ed.ac.uk/home/timh/temp/500.shtml HTTPS=on SSL_TLS_SNI=www.dcs.ed.ac.uk HTTP_ACCEPT=*/* HTTP_USER_AGENT=Mozilla/5.0 AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko; compatible; ClaudeBot/1.0; +claudebot@anthropic.com) HTTP_ACCEPT_ENCODING=gzip, br, zstd, deflate HTTP_HOST=www.dcs.ed.ac.uk PATH=/usr/local/sbin:/usr/local/bin:/usr/sbin:/usr/bin:/sbin:/bin SERVER_SIGNATURE=<address>Apache/2.4 Server at www.dcs.ed.ac.uk Port 443</address> SERVER_SOFTWARE=Apache/2.4 SERVER_NAME=www.dcs.ed.ac.uk SERVER_ADDR=129.215.32.114 SERVER_PORT=443 REMOTE_ADDR=216.73.216.241 DOCUMENT_ROOT=/legacy/dcs/public/wwwdata/web REQUEST_SCHEME=https CONTEXT_PREFIX= CONTEXT_DOCUMENT_ROOT=/legacy/dcs/public/wwwdata/web SERVER_ADMIN=webadmin+dcs@inf.ed.ac.uk SCRIPT_FILENAME=/afs/inf.ed.ac.uk/group/web/legacy/dcs/timh/web/temp/500.shtml REMOTE_PORT=32262 GATEWAY_INTERFACE=CGI/1.1 SERVER_PROTOCOL=HTTP/1.1 REQUEST_METHOD=GET QUERY_STRING= REQUEST_URI=/home/timh/temp/500.shtml SCRIPT_NAME=/home/timh/temp/500.shtml DATE_LOCAL=Saturday, 07-Jun-2025 18:27:28 BST DATE_GMT=Saturday, 07-Jun-2025 17:27:28 GMT LAST_MODIFIED=Wednesday, 20-May-1998 08:51:27 BST DOCUMENT_URI=/home/timh/temp/500.shtml DOCUMENT_ARGS= USER_NAME=<unknown> DOCUMENT_NAME=500.shtml