Caroline Miller

Name : Caroline Tracy Miller

Daytime Occupation : Advertising

Specialist Subject : Logical Paranoia

Birthplace : Belfast

Orange or Green : Black, actually

I've finally got a job---an extremely forward-thinking advertising agency (whose name I feel obliged not to reveal as they wouldn't relish being associated with the remaining contents of this page) has hired me to assess the logical content of their copy and redraft anything which is obviously nonsense in favour of copy which is less obviously nonsense.

For instance, if Captain Birdseye worked for our agency, he'd never have got away with `And remember, all that glisters isn't gold.', since this implies that not even gold glisters, whilst companies increasing their prices are best advised to resort to vacuous lines like `You could save up to twenty pounds!'.

I now live in sunny Cambridge and scab my lodgings and internet access off the notorious Sion Arrowsmith. Doubtless, my presence in his fabulous residence will inspire him to fresh heights of abject misery.

This web page, however, still lives with my old mate Conor in Edinburgh, since web pages aren't really a demon thing.

Some of my favourite things are printable:

Some of my favourite people also have web pages:

I was searching through some old things the other day, when I came upon this photograph of my Dad. He said it was taken the day I was conceived, but I'm not sure I believe him. Pity about the fold. Love you loads, Dad.

While I'm doing some admiring, click here to see the Heroes of the Revolution (under construction).

A while back, I wrote a Doctor Who script, called Return, which is unusual in that the Doctor does not at any point appear. In fact, it's about Romana. Anyhow, here 'tis:

Further, I am one of the SWARM, a group of writers collaborating on Blake's Seven fiction, among other things...

And, of course, there's my transcription (in three part harmony) of the fabulous Doctor Who Doo-Wop Christmas Single, Why Must My Police Box Always Be Blue?

My last project was a collaboration with the mysterious Dr Cynical. We've finished our radical feminist Doctor Who script featuring the late lamented Jon Pertwee and the fabulous Katy Manning. It's called Brain Power. The whole thing can be read in spectacular .dvi, bulky bulky postscript or, for ASCII fans, dodgy text (dvi2tty output).

One of our more dubious acquaintances printed off several copies, turned up at a party, waited until everyone who had not passed out was, er, susceptible, then persuaded them to act out `Brain Power' right there in someone else's living room. He read the stage directions and everyone else took a part (or two). A marvellous time was had by all.

You don't need lots of money to make Doctor Who. All you need is a little imagination. The Doctor is more than just a character on TV. He's an epic hero, like Robin Hood or King Arthur or Odysseus. He exists not in some copyright owned by the BBC, but in the collective psyche of the people. He appears not when an accountant permits, but whenever we conjure him, whenever we need him.

Anyhow, make of `Brain Power' what you will. We hope you enjoy it. Drop me a line and let us know how it gets you.

My poetry is awful. Here's a poem I wrote about my best friend.

My friend Jeremy is also a poet. He may only be fourteen, but he's definitely got something to say.

`Stop taking the piss, mate!'

`You're bloody giving it away...'

I no longer sponge my email address off Conor (although we still have the same initials). I have my own account on Sion's demon box...

Caroline Miller <>